I miss atole
I miss hierba buena tea
I miss dipping tostadas gigantes with that hot tea when we didn't have bread to dip in the tea
I miss getting fresh eggs from our hens each morning
And raising chickens and the chore I had a few times to kill to the chicken we were to eat for the lunch meal that day.
I miss the view from the roof top over the city of Querétaro.
I miss the view from the roof of my house in Oaxaca, with a view over the coconut palms to all the way to the shore and now I am remembering the view from Snoopy Rock or from one of the orange trees at RSM.
I miss the miles of wild flowers and rock in Amealco.
I miss Caro.
I miss eating cactus fruit.
So much history.
How can I keep from remembrance. All the memories flood back at night. I see everything so clearly as if I was there again, in each place again. Experiencing. It all is going so fast. I used to think each next step was so scary but I was always willing; then I made it through... now each next step is easier in faith and obedience.
But even so, there is so much I am leaving behind not being in Mexico. I feel like a part of me has been ripped away and I don't know what to do.
I'm in awe of where I am at presently. I feel like it is an honor to be here. But all I've known for a so long, is there.
I feel sadness rising up in me. A sadness I haven't felt before. All I know to do is to give it up to Jesus. I am hurting a lot and it is hard to adjust to this new way of doing life. How much am I suppose to adjust and how much am I not? Is one culture more important than the other? I am physically IN one culture but feel like my soul isn't, my experiences aren't here. I don't even know. All I know is this is hard and I NEED to rise up higher and see. I need to see like Jesus sees. I will drown if I don't rise above. What is God saying about all of this?
He is so kind. His love is deep and wide for a reason. It reaches our deepest being.
This love, this love, always liquid gold to me.