I am not too great at informing you about "Language School" but when I think I know what I am going to write to you all God shows me something else. So here it is again... not anything about the Spanish learning but spiritually what I am learning + wrestling with.
My walk right now with God is best explained with a quote from Dana Candler writing in The Rewards of Fasting + quotes from the Bible of course. Dana writes it perfectly... how everything is being worked out inside, how I am feeling with Jesus + how I am doing right now.
Jesus said, "Blessed are those who hunger + thirst for righteousness for they shall be filled."Hungering For All That God Will Give Us."I remember several years ago when the Lord really began convicting my heart of how little hunger I had for God."( -First of all boom, yes this is exactly what He is doing for me, so sweet of Him.-)And she continues: "He opened my understanding to how much He truly wanted to give me + showed me the gap between that fullness + my actual experience. He began to purposely disrupt my life by revealing to me the principle that He gives more of Himself in accordance with my hunger for more. Until my capacity to receive from Him was enlarged by spiritual hunger, I would be limited in my experience of God.""Though I'd known Jesus my whole life, I had never considered that I lacked this inward hunger. My heart was very small in its capacity, but I did not know it. I thought I loved God intensely, but He revealed to me that, in truth, my thirst for Him was small compared with what it could be. This exposure was truly a gift."" At that time I entered into what I now call 'the longing to long' or 'the hungering to hunger.' I was in the tension between sincerely wanting to want God + not yet being overcome by hunger for Him; + this is exactly where God wanted me. Hunger begets hunger + in time, He caused my initial desire to develop into strong desire, + then He answered me with more of Himself, just as He loves to do"
Jeremiah prophesied about genuine spiritual hunger when the Lord spoke these words through him, "You will call upon me + go + pray to me, + I will listen to you. + you will seek Me + find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you, says the Lord." (Jer 29:12-14) God promised that He will be found when He is pursued by anyone with a genuinely hungry heart.
I love what Dana says next:
"Just saying prayers is not what God requires. Spiritual language + grandiose statements in prayer do not impress God He peers right into the depths of the human heart + sees our spiritual void + barrenness. He is after something far deeper than regular attendance at prayer meetings. He wants to actually possess us. He wants our lives to be governed + ruled by our yearning for Him... in His grace the Lord is making us a people who cannot live without His blessing."
This is all so nice + sounds great, but my flesh wants the exact opposite + it is a constant struggle. I constantly am giving Him all I am, my weaknesses and walking in His strength because I cannot do it. I want to fight, we have to fight. Jesus opened the door for all to enter the deep things of the Spirit (1 cor 2:10) by His death, resurrection + giving of Holy Spirit to the hearts of men (Heb 10:19-22). This is a massive change, gift, + invitation! I know that He wants us to fight for His Kingdom, even requires spiritual violence in our pursuit of God. God is leading + teaching me to follow Him without compromise. I am praying for this in my life. We can only by Jesus, in His Presence.
Love these words:
"Hasten now, O loving Lord to us
Fill these souls, Spirit, every hour
We need Thee
Come, come Holy One
Come meet us
All, all for Your glory
Lead us on, the perfect path O Lord
And may we sin no more
This spotless bride, the Church
I am Yours
We are Yours